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I am currently mid Week 5 of a 10 week Challenge at my gym. This challenge includes commitments to both taking fitness classes and following nutritional guidelines.

My sister introduced me to this a while back and when she did, my initial thought was “yiiiikes naaah”. Although I have a history with good fitness, and some of my best memories were ones sweating with friends while watching the sunrise or having my birthday party at a Cycle class, the thought of “starting all over” was too much for my out of shape mind (you read that right) to handle.

I have also studied health through nutrition for over a decade, re-reading books by Dr. Alejandro Jungar (check out Clean), Dr. Don Colbert and more. I read my first book by Colbert titled “Toxic Relief” during my first nutritional cleanse back in 2014 and it changed my life. I have since picked it back up multiple times. If you need some support, Dr. Colbert has a wealth of resources including supplements at www.drcolbert.com.

In spite of this, the thought of cutting out my wine, cheesesteaks, cheese fries, charcuterie (see a theme here?) ok I digress… the thought of not having the comfort foods I love to help me cope and deal with my intense emotional ups and downs of my “freedom year” and my mom’s painful illness at the time was beyond my comprehension. Did I mention that I quit my corporate job the week before we found out she needed to see an oncologist, and I also solo road tripped the entire USA within the year? Yeah there was a lot I needed to process.

On the other hand, I knew I needed to make changes. I never hated or obsessed over my body, as I had done in my younger years (yay benefit of age!). However, any time I passed a mirror the reflection I saw was almost unrecognizable to me, mirroring back a version of myself that I knew was externally carrying the extra weight I was carrying on the inside. I had shed a LOT of things that weighed on my spirit in the last year, almost as the caterpillar preparing for the chrysalis. Then I entered that chrysalis, or cocoon season. The purpose of the cocoon is to protect the caterpillar during their transformation, and protection and comfort is exactly what I needed at the time.

You know in Eat Pray Love, where Julia Roberts character goes to Italy and sets herself free, and also eats all the pizza? Kinda like that, except with a whole lot of grief mixed into the experience. 
I was consciously saying “screw it, eat the pizza!”.

Then came a time that I came to stay with my sister for a couple of weeks during my travels, and the energy she had around the challenge was contagious. She looked and obviously felt great. Her positive energy was radiant and it wooed me back. God reminding me once again something he spoke clearly to me earlier in the year “healthy emotions start with healthy habits”.

I decided to come stay with my sister Rachel for 10 weeks to complete the next challenge which started in January. I felt like this was the next step in my transformation journey. Getting my body back to the healthy shape it was in before my world turned on it’s head, or even better, get into the best shape of my life. I could make this decision pretty easily because I was, and still am frankly, living life 90 days at a time. I drove back from Key West to NJ and spent Christmas with Rach. Mom was doing well, she went back to work and bought herself a car so I was very comfortable being away for a bit longer. We spent 7 of the best years as roommates in Dallas, and she I knew wanted me to continue my journey.

Then the unexpected happened, as it always seems to do. Mom very quickly took a turn for the worse and Rachel and I flew to Colorado the day after I weighed in for the first challenge. Needless to say, healthy eating went out the window after about a week of trying to hold on strong. The stress, pain and fear of the situation was as much as my brain could focus on. I stole walks with the dog when I could, but I just ate whatever was put in front of me. 

But I bounced back. Mom passed on Feb 3, a couple weeks after we arrived. After a few weeks of allowing the grief to rule my days, I heard my mom’s voice in my head “time to get on with it”. I knew she would want me to complete my transformation, that she was cheering me on. I also knew that exercise was essential to improving my mental health. My outlook was getting pretty dark, which happens with grief, but I didn’t want to stay there.

I had a choice to make. If you’re paying attention, life always offers you choices. I could sit in my grief, use it as an excuse to wallow and lay on the couch ordering DoorDash letting the time pass by or I could make the decision to set my alarm, alert a few people to hold me accountable, and tell myself that I was going to get up and go to the gym in the morning.

You can’t wait for motivation, action precedes it. You need to get a little momentum going first.
I promised myself that I would push through the physical pain and discomfort, the same way I was pushing through my grief: by feeling it and letting it hurt until you would become stronger so that it doesn’t anymore.

Because of that, because of my dedication to shifting my mindset around the opportunity to eat healthy and workout daily, I began this challenge with gusto and the benefits were immediate. In the first week, my mood was improved in such a dramatic way I was back to my old car-dancing self. I love that I can channel ALL of my competitive energy into my health with no distractions, and I am extremely grateful for the opportunity to do so. I am not even half way through the challenge, but I am determined to give it my all until the finish line and beyond.

This is the conclusion of the transformation: Body/Soul/Spirit all emerging from the chrysalis as something free spirited and beautiful, inside and out.

Need support in navigating your transition? Let’s chat and see how I can help. Can’t wait to hear from you. 

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Gracious Grief

5.11.24

When the pain does come, typically out of nowhere or from a very random trigger, you have to choose your response to it. Will you stuff it, numb it, or feel your way through it? Feeling your way through it means allowing the pain to come, not chasing it away through distractions or substances (food, booze, drugs…) but allowing your heart to break and letting the tears flow.

After this release a lightness will come. Instead of burying your feelings which causes them to never truly be processed and released, allow yourself to feel them. I know sometimes this feels lethal. I know it feels impossible. I promise you will survive it. Call on God, call on friends, find healthy coping mechanisms rather than escapism. Once you do, you’ll begin to slowly maneuver your way into acceptance.

The weirdest part about acceptance, is that it’s not linear. You will have days when you catch yourself smiling and happy, and you’ll realize that you’re feeling hopeful again. Then a day will come when you are looking at a picture, and realize this is all you have left. This person is no longer and will no longer be an active fixture in your life, but only a memory. Only an old picture, text or Facebook post.

Then you will grieve again.

But each step in the journey, each step in the process, when you’re faced with the decision to feel it or escape, I promise you that your courage will be rewarded when you feel your way through it.

I hate the phrase “new normal”. Maybe it’s because I’ve had so many “new normals” that for some reason it makes my stomach turn.

1. conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.

I don’t think there’s anything “normal” about the tragedies and triumphs of life, and I’ve come to realize that most people experience a whole lot of both. It’s not normal to experience abuse, tragic loss, or illness. On the other hand, the blessings we all have, and we each have them, are unique just to us.

The journey isn’t “normal”, it is weaving and winding with the changes, and growing through each season. Every season of life being just that, a season. The hard times and the good times co-mingling, beckoning you to experience the fullness of life. 

I’ll conclude by saying, I am currently walking up this mountain of grief. I can hear my mom’s voice in my head “alright Anna time to get on with it…” and so I will.

I will let myself have the days that my heart aches, and I will honor the ache as a signal of how much I loved her, and was loved in return. I will also be kind to my heart in giving myself permission to continue moving forward.

The final letting go is the one where you don’t let your grief be the thing that holds you back from living and loving your life, because you know that is exactly what they would want you to do.

If you’re looking for someone help you navigate your grief, I’m here. 

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Anna Girgan is someone that embodies resilience and strength in the face of adversity. With a fun-loving spirit that radiates joyful energy, she has always been known for her ability to bring laughter and light into the lives of those around her. She has a knack for helping others overcome their limiting beliefs and realize their power.

Having dedicated two decades to a successful career in corporate retail, Anna decided to take a significant leap of faith by embarking on a gap year to explore the world. During this transformative journey, she solo road-tripped across the United States.

Currently calling New Jersey home, Anna remains on her journey of continuous transformation. Through her resilience and unwavering spirit, Anna continues to embrace each day through the grace of God, feeling empowered through empowering others. She currently offers one on one personalized coaching, book a free call to find out more.

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